Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize