as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
