before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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