perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
