We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize