david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
