Someone shit on the floor
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
