the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
