he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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