i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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