Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
