when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
