I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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