The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
