You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
