Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
