Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
