I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
