so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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