I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
