I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
