If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
