I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
