you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
