I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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