so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
