Porn is love you can see.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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