ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You ruined the universe
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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