I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
