I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How's work?
Spinning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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