im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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