i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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