So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
