She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
