Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
