how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
