dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
