Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
