I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the liver wants what the liver wants
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
