there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
