i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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