she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize