The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
