Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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