i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
