Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I could fuck to npr.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
