She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
