After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
