I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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