I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
operation harelip BJ is a go
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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