He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
