so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
