Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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