At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
