I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
