Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
