We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
