I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
