now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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