Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
