my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
