Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
