I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
