Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
