How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
