Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
