Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize