hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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