You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
