he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
