He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
