Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
