Small penises have feelings too.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
