You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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