I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Olympian is in my bed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
