Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
