dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
