He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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