I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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