Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize