Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
