I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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