We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
