six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
