one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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