apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
