My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
