So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
