its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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