Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
