fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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