I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
