i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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