he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize