So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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