forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said her name was "party"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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