Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
