I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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