the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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