I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
