Me too!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
