So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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