Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
