Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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