planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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