it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
