I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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