I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
