Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize