We named our party play list daddy issues
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
