She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dick very happy bro
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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