What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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