You really coming over, don't trick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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