Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
