I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize