A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
