and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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